How to Help Your Child When They Lose a Game
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If you’ve ever watched your child walk off a field or court with their head down, fighting back tears, you know how tough losing can be. You want to raise strong, kind, and confident kids—but the reality of competition often brings out big feelings in little hearts. With our 5 oldest being in the competitive sports for the past couple years we've experienced this more than a handful of times.
While it's natural to want to rescue our kids from being upset or want to make them "feel" better in the moment, we believe there’s a better way to raise competitors. One where kids learn to value effort over outcome, team over ego, and growth over trophies. With our own kids, we're constantly learning how to do this better-- let them feel the disappointment and be ok with the tears and still encourage them in the effort they gave, stepping out in bravery, and trying their best.
As we're creating our summer sports camp for your kids we are bringing our own experience with this into our camp experiences too, designing them to give kids a space to feel the disappointment while not giving up and still trying their best— this blog is here to help you bring that same mindset home
Why Losing Feels So Big for Kids (and What to Do About It)
Losing can feel like rejection for kids. Their identity, especially in sports, can get tied to performance. When they lose, they don’t just feel like they lost the game—they feel like they’re a failure.
Here’s how to change that narrative and help your child become a resilient, joyful competitor.
1. Normalize Losing as Part of the Game
Start by changing the language you use around losing. Instead of saying, “It’s okay, you’ll win next time,” try:
“I saw how hard you worked—that matters more than the score.”
Teaching your child that losing is part of growing creates emotional safety and long-term resiliency.
2. Help Them Name Their Emotions
Say something like:
“It looks like you’re frustrated. That makes sense—you really wanted that win and it's okay to be frustrated.”
Naming feelings helps your child regulate them. And when kids learn emotional regulation, they become better teammates, leaders, and people.
3. Celebrate the Effort, Not Just the Outcome
Praise things like:
- Hustling and being brave at every play.
- Supporting and encouraging a teammate.
- Playing with kindness and integrity.
This tells your child, “Your value isn’t based on a scoreboard. It’s based on your character.”
4. Model a Healthy Relationship with Competition
Let’s be honest—sometimes it’s us, the parents, who need a reset. Our own competitive wounds can show up in how we respond to our kid’s games. (I'm guilty of this myself) and why I'm seeking out to change the narrative around competition, because I need to grow in this just as much as anyone.
That’s why this blog, Raising Healthy Competitors and our camps with Kuyper Sports exists—not just to give kids great experiences, but to support parents in shifting their mindset around competition.
We’re here to help you raise kids who play hard, play kind, and leave the field or court with confidence no matter what the scoreboard says.
5. Give Them a Place to Practice Losing Well
Kids need safe spaces to grow—not just physically, but emotionally and socially. While starting at home is always the goal, our Kuyper Sports Summer Camps are designed to come alongside you in creating that space for kids to grow in who they are beyond the game. While we fully believe this starts at home, we also believe that kids getting to live this out around other peers is key to helping them grow.
Final Thoughts: It’s Not About the Trophy—It’s About the Transformation
Your child is becoming who they are through sports—not because they win, but because sports gives us the unique opportunity to grow in ways we couldn't without it. You have the power to help shape that growth—and we’d love to be part of that journey with you.
Give your child the tools to thrive in sports and in life.