Why Losing Can Actually Be Good for Your Child

A couple years ago, we signed up four of our girls for a Drive, Chip, and Putt contest through the PGA. They’d been playing golf in small tournaments, getting better bit by bit. We entered mostly for fun—not expecting much, just wanting them to try something new.

The day came, and each of our girls gave it their best. To our surprise and excitement, one of our twins, Joci, placed second and qualified for the next round in Tucson. That’s when the dream started growing—especially after hearing that the winners of the next round could eventually compete at Augusta during the Masters. She was all in.

Months passed, and we headed to Tucson with nerves, snacks, and all the siblings cheering her on. Joci was focused and brave, and we were so proud watching her compete. For a while, her scores had her in the top spots—but slowly, other scores came in. She was edged into fourth, just missing the cutoff.

Tears welled up in her eyes. We stood there, letting her feel it—no fixing, no rushing. We hugged her, told her how proud we were, and reminded her that she had already won. She was brave. She showed up. She gave it everything.

When we asked if she was proud of herself, she said through tears, “I am.”
And when we asked if she wanted to keep trying at golf, she didn’t hesitate—“Yes.”

That was the win.

We went to lunch to celebrate—not a trophy, but her courage. That memory, that moment of choosing to keep going, was the best part of the whole day.

The Hidden Gift of Losing

No one likes watching their child lose. It’s tough. You want to fix it, smooth it over, or rewind the moment. But here’s the truth:

Losing can be one of the greatest gifts we give our kids.

Why?

Because it teaches them to keep showing up.

To be proud of themselves for trying, not just for the outcome.

To regulate their emotions and process hard feelings.

To build resilience, perseverance, and a deeper sense of inner confidence.

And most of all—it teaches them that their worth isn’t tied to winning.

How to Support Your Child When They Lose

I say "when" they lose, not "if" because losing is inevitable. When we compete we have more chances of losing than winning and this is why I believe we need to change our relationship with how we view a loss.

If your child feels discouraged after a loss, here are a few things we’ve found helpful—both in our own home and in working within the athletic world myself:

1. Let Them Feel It

Avoid rushing to cheer them up. Just be there. Let the tears come if they need to. Give them space to name the disappointment. It matters.

2. Celebrate the Courage to Try

Remind them that they were brave to even step out there. Trying is worth celebrating, no matter the result.

3. Ask, "Are You Proud of Yourself?"

This is one of our favorite questions. It helps your child pause and reflect on their own effort—and often, they’ll say yes.

4. Tell Them What You Saw

Instead of focusing on the final score, tell them what you noticed—how they stayed calm, how they encouraged others, how they bounced back after a mistake. These are the wins that matter.

5. Make a Memory Together

After the competition, we went out to lunch to celebrate. Not because she won, but because she showed up. It became a memory we’ll all carry with us—not of winning or losing, but of being together, of trying something big, and of growing in the process. 

Use the opportunity of a loss to make a positive memory from it and chances are that memory will stick with them far beyond the memory of losing.

How We're Building This with Kuyper Sports Camps

This is exactly the heart behind Kuyper Sports. Because we want our camps and experiences to be places where kids can…

• Try something new.
• Learn how to compete in a healthy way.
  
• Grow in confidence.
  
• Build resilience and character.
  
• Discover that winning isn't everything.

But more than anything—we want to create space for families to walk through these moments together. Where trying, failing, learning, and growing are all part of the story.

So if you’re looking for something meaningful for your kids this summer—something that will help them grow into kind, courageous, and confident people—we’d love to have them at our camps.

Check Out Our Summer Camps Here

We can't wait to welcome you and have you be a part of the team!